Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Drunk Girls and Co-Workers

Sometimes I'm an asshole.

Have you ever heard the phrase career limiting move? Do we all remember the sexy co-worker? Do you think I took your sage advise and restrained myself, recognizing the inherent complexities and thinking with my brain instead of my crotch?

Yeah, you were right. I made a move. Said my piece. Made a play. Put it out there.

I don't know that I was so much drunk on the liberal amount of alcohol I had consumed - I mean, yes, clearly I was - but I was also confidence drunk, which is the most dangerous kind.

There he was, the sexy co-worker. And there I was, the drunk, slutty subordinate. Does anyone else see the problem?

I am the kind of girl that has a potentially problematic level of flirtation and...strange man stalking at the best of times. The best of times being when I am sober, in a formal context and supposed to behave. Even there I can be fairly uninhibited in my pursuit of the opposite sex.
I believe the colloquialism might be "slut" - personally, I have always preferred "friendly" or "direct".

For the purposes of illustration let's combine this natural effusiveness and zest for life (ahem, cock) with Hallow e'en, more than my fair share of cocktails, a slutty little costume and a liberal dose of medication. Do we see where this is going?

I walked into the party with my friend and co-worker. An age-inappropriately wild party at the house of a former colleague.

I started with a subtle approach...touch the arm, smile and laugh. He was not as receptive as I would have liked.

I maneuvered myself next to him on the couch and with my usual lack of subtlety adopted my knee against knee, head tilted to the side, effusively laughing please fuck me posture. Nothing. No response.

How was it that he wasn't picking up on my signals? Was I being too subtle? Maybe I should take it up a level?

Yes, I can see you all shaking your heads no in unison. Do you think I thought heck, maybe this is not a good idea, maybe he isn't interested, maybe you shouldn't proposition everyone you know? No, of course not.

I took it up a level.

I leaned in and whispered - and the exact context of this conversation is ever so slightly unclear: "I find you very attractive." He was surprised and flattered in his oh-so-charmingly awkward way.


Apparently this was too subtle as well. Well, what is a girl to do? Correct answer: shut the hell up and sleep it off. Did I? Um, no.

O.k. so he was not as receptive as I would have liked. But I am not a girl that discourages easily - subtlety, nuance and the interpretation thereof - also not my best events.

So, of course, I bravely marched on. Clearly he didn't realise I was his for the taking. Clearly I needed to be more direct, more explicit.

I tried again. You know, I find you very attractive. You know, I am in the mood for trouble. You know, I would like to leave with you...

Really a straight up offer. Of sex. With me. Right then.

"You're bluffing," he said.

"Take me out of here right now and I will show you how little I am bluffing," was my reply.

And he didn't. Oh man how he didn't. Not even close. He couldn't possibly possibly fucked me less.

I am rarely as un-fucked as I was in that moment.

So, lesson learned. The lesson being that apparently destiny does not have any plans for me to orgasm over a desk any time soon.

Maybe the Christmas party?

Saturday, November 7, 2009

Drunk Girls and Cell Phones

My Text Message: I just made an asp me myself. U up?

Hepatica's boyfriend, upon her reading it to him: "Well that sounds like the combination of alcohol and anti-depressants."

Uh huh.

Story to follow...

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

HNT: Livin' in Sin is the New Thing



Remember how last week I was remiss and missed HNT? Well, this week you are clearly getting three times the HNT!

This week you get more nudity as promised and you get your first introduction to The Roommate of Easy Virtue. I think y'all are going to get along.

Happy HNT, dirty darlings. Don't forget to swing by Osbasso's and see who else is playing and be sure to remember the Other HNT.

Saturday, October 31, 2009

Dirty Blogger Night Out?

I just had the following conversation with the husband...

Me: I want to go to Toronto and have a blogger's night out - I have a few blog friends there.

The Husband: Oh, are spouses invited?

Now I am envisioning the world's most awkward bar night: Perv, myself and assorted other bloggers...

Perv's Wife to Me: So HOW do you know my husband again???

Um, camp?

No, I think we are going to have to leave the spouses at home.

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Surprise of My Week

Now, I know that most of you out there did not miss this: but today, yes today, is Thursday.

Imagine my surprise and dismay when (halfway through the work day) this was brought to my attention.

Apparently working two 15 and 18 hour days on Monday and Tuesday got my week all confused.

Sadly I have missed the glory and delights of HNT, therefore I may have to get twice as naked as normal next week. Better charge up those camera batteries!

*******

I don't know if any of you saw this story, about the Saudi Arabian journalist and sex-braggart being sentenced for their part in a talk show about sex that aired on Lebanese TV.

Now I am sure no one really wants to hear my views on the repugnant politics of Saudi Arabia or about my many, many problems with fundamentalism. (Although whichever one of you fuckers sent me an email about adultery and how I am going to hell, you may get to hear about my problems with fundamentalism. You may also get signed up to every fucking obnoxious newsletter I can find on the internet. )

The irony of those countries is always the underbelly, the quiet aspects - for example, the rate of homosexuality among unmarried men in Saudi Arabia is apparently quite high. Probably I should say "homosexual sex" or something, because these men wouldn't identify as gay, but they are...well, doing each other in lieu of women 'cause there are no frisky chicks accessible.

Yes, you make your wife wear a burka on the street, and yes, you will send me an email about how I am a bad, bad girl. But for a country that flogs people for talking about sex, I gotta tell you - a truly disproportionate amount of my blog traffic comes from there. I am talking a striking amount - one of the most frequently occurring countries after the U.S. and the U.K.

Adulterous sex? Bad. Women with exposed skin? Unacceptable. Talking about sex? Flogging offence.

Adulterous sex blog written by semi-naked tart? I check it every day.

If you are one of my Saudi Arabian readers I would love to hear from you...

Monday, October 26, 2009

Get Me Off

Take me to bed and get me wet.

I want to be legs open, panting, begging for it, crazy in the moment.

Naked, spread, desperate to cum.

I want to be sticky, unhinged, loud and dirty.

Get. Me. Off. Won't you?

Thursday, October 22, 2009

HNT: Work Shirt


There is something about a shirt with buttons that says undo me, isn't there?

Undo a button and slide your fingers inside, undo a button and kiss my skin, undo a button and then another. Maybe even undo all the buttons.

Undo all the buttons and slide up my skirt. Slide up my skirt and slide down my panties.

Slide down my panties and bend me over your desk.

Hmmm...maybe a shirt with buttons actually says do me.


Happy HNT, dirty darlings! Don't forget to drop by on Osbasso to see who else is playing and make sure to check out the other HNT.
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