Have you ever heard the phrase career limiting move? Do we all remember the sexy co-worker? Do you think I took your sage advise and restrained myself, recognizing the inherent complexities and thinking with my brain instead of my crotch?
Yeah, you were right. I made a move. Said my piece. Made a play. Put it out there.
I don't know that I was so much drunk on the liberal amount of alcohol I had consumed - I mean, yes, clearly I was - but I was also confidence drunk, which is the most dangerous kind.
There he was, the sexy co-worker. And there I was, the drunk, slutty subordinate. Does anyone else see the problem?
I am the kind of girl that has a potentially problematic level of flirtation and...strange man stalking at the best of times. The best of times being when I am sober, in a formal context and supposed to behave. Even there I can be fairly uninhibited in my pursuit of the opposite sex.
I believe the colloquialism might be "slut" - personally, I have always preferred "friendly" or "direct".
For the purposes of illustration let's combine this natural effusiveness and zest for life (ahem, cock) with Hallow e'en, more than my fair share of cocktails, a slutty little costume and a liberal dose of medication. Do we see where this is going?
I walked into the party with my friend and co-worker. An age-inappropriately wild party at the house of a former colleague.
I started with a subtle approach...touch the arm, smile and laugh. He was not as receptive as I would have liked.
I maneuvered myself next to him on the couch and with my usual lack of subtlety adopted my knee against knee, head tilted to the side, effusively laughing please fuck me posture. Nothing. No response.
How was it that he wasn't picking up on my signals? Was I being too subtle? Maybe I should take it up a level?
Yes, I can see you all shaking your heads no in unison. Do you think I thought heck, maybe this is not a good idea, maybe he isn't interested, maybe you shouldn't proposition everyone you know? No, of course not.
I took it up a level.
I leaned in and whispered - and the exact context of this conversation is ever so slightly unclear: "I find you very attractive." He was surprised and flattered in his oh-so-charmingly awkward way.
Apparently this was too subtle as well. Well, what is a girl to do? Correct answer: shut the hell up and sleep it off. Did I? Um, no.
O.k. so he was not as receptive as I would have liked. But I am not a girl that discourages easily - subtlety, nuance and the interpretation thereof - also not my best events.
So, of course, I bravely marched on. Clearly he didn't realise I was his for the taking. Clearly I needed to be more direct, more explicit.
I tried again. You know, I find you very attractive. You know, I am in the mood for trouble. You know, I would like to leave with you...
Really a straight up offer. Of sex. With me. Right then.
"You're bluffing," he said.
"Take me out of here right now and I will show you how little I am bluffing," was my reply.
And he didn't. Oh man how he didn't. Not even close. He couldn't possibly possibly fucked me less.
I am rarely as un-fucked as I was in that moment.
So, lesson learned. The lesson being that apparently destiny does not have any plans for me to orgasm over a desk any time soon.
Maybe the Christmas party?
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